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Purpose Driven Life

Purpose Driven Life

I want to go public with you here.  Because many of you know that I'm..well... hanging by a thread right now.  

One important factor for me is that I'm sooo not 25 anymore.  

I turn 35 in a month.  And the saying YES to everything that came my way, plus run a household, own my own business and most importantly being a MOTHER is not working.  For the long term.

One of the goals I've been working on since I spent the entire month on the road in February is to get a place at the shore for the summer.  I ran my brains out, to the point that I realized...I'm not going to do it anymore. 

And little did I know it.  March and April were pretty great...productive...prosperous....

And here I am.  May 17th and I'm swimming fast and furious away from sharks.

And when you realize that your bedroom looks like this?

It's time to 'clean house' and think about the purposes that drive you in life.

I have a big problem saying "NO" to a lot of things. 

Food, Alcohol, Work....are just to name a few.  

I gain weight when I can't keep up with the demands and then I drink to mask and move forward and then I work so damn hard to pretend that I've got it alllll together.

And well.  By the picture of my bedroom above.  

I failed.  

I love the saying on my wall.  It does remind me every morning to Live as if you only have TODAY.

I need to add a big fat image of the former first lady Mrs Nancy Reagan saying 'JUST SAY NO JOEY!'

I KID YOU NOT WHEN I TELL YOU:

-- I get approx 400 emails a day.  People wanting to 'pick my brain', pitches - then companies following up with 'just want to follow up on my pitch', then invites to host events, sales people wanting help with a project, people wanting to be on Real Mom Radio' facebook freaking notifications (UGH) not to mention my mom.  

So when I say 'yes' - I'll meet you to share my knowledge, yes-booking you to be on Real Mom Radio-then editing the show, yes-I do have a great idea on how you can give more to your clients, yes-I will host your event, yes-I'd love to have a playdate, yes-send me that product to review....then try to invoice companies - track down the non payments so I can pay rent for my office, be a MOTHER, wife, friend, neighbor, sister, daughter, butt wiper & laundry do'er?  

BIGTIME FAIL.

So... I'm not sharing all this with you to get you to join my pitty party.  Cause quite frankly, I REAP what a SOW.

I'm telling you to REMIND YOURSELF... you can't be all things to all people.  You are JUST ONE PERSON. 

And the power of NO is important in making boundaries.  

Now if I can just get farther than 3 months without a mental meltdown?  I'm be kicking ass.  

So here is my last post to you for a while (mainly because my dad is in town because my husband called him to come since I was about to implode and turn into Medusa and he was/is on a guys trip)  and because next week is my little boys 4th birthday and we're taking our first ever trip to Disney World. 

WHAT'S NEXT WITH REAL MOM MEDIA:

-- A new endorsement with Sono Bello...that I've been DYING to share

-- An AWESOME video recap of Tuckerton Seaport Museum (GREAT place to hear about for family fun)

-- SHOPPING haul from a fun event we had at Free Reign in Conshohocken, Pa

-- My weightloss journey with Medifast

-- Laundry done, house cleaned, kid played with and hopefully a returned email from me that I owe you!

Thanks for sticking around....

OH-but Real Mom Radio will rock on!  Be sure to tune in Sunday mornings at 7am on Ben FM.  Listen live at www.ILikeBenFM.com too!

UPDATE:

As I'm typing this and trying to spit out the words - my son is chasing the dog around the house singing 'chasing dog' over and over.  Plus my poor father who can barely walk is saying 'Boston, you need to calm down!' and well...that pile of laundry still there!  PLUS-our airconditioner went out and my doorbell is ringing with the repairman!!!!!!!!

Life is worth living.....  =)

 

And I Wonder Why.

Early blog post, right?

Yeah.  I thought so too.

Considering I'm out of my MIND lately.

Who am I kidding with the 'lately' part.

I've been a whackjob for oh... almost 5 years now?

Yeah. That's about right.

I'll be 35 in June.  Moved here (Philly) a month after I turned 30.

Not that I'm saying Philly made me crazy.  Cause quite frankly the only reason I'm sitting here now is to totally call out MY accountability on myself.

I don't sleep at night.  I TRY to.  I lay in bed for 1/2 hour.  Get annoyed, grab my iphone or ipad.  Surf the net.  Go on Trulia. (No.  We're not selling our house.  But I love to waste time on there seeing what the prices are for houses and looking inside them! haha. Strange? You got it.)

I know.  First off:  put those stupid devices in the garage at night so I don't get sidetracked by them!!!!

It's an addiction I think.  I mean, I start to sweat at the thought of actually having to LAY there, ya know.  

Then this morning-I roll over...toss and turn cause there is this 4 YEAR OLD that for some reason HAS to crawl in our bed anywhere from midnight to 4am....EVERY NIGHT.

That kid is as addicted to sleeping next to me as I am addicted to sleeping next to my electronic devices.

Great.  Not only am I an addict but I've created one too.  Come on kid..you GOTTA break that cycle or you're gonna be in big trouble one day.  

So then I wake up. 

Wash my face.  Seeing 1,000 zits, bumps, you name it-stuff on my face that I didn't even have as a teenager. 

And I wonder why.

Then I brush my teeth feeling that achy feeling I always do from hitting a gum thats sore or seeing the crookedness there for not taking care of them after 5 years of braces in gradeschool.  Although I've been to the dentist 8 times this year with a value of about $4000 but I digress. Time for a new dentist?

And I wonder why.

And of course my daily routine obsession of standing on the scale and gasping occurs.

And I wonder why.

THUNK.  Hit over the head with my iphone after checking email and realize.

I AM IN CRAPPY CONDITION.

Do you ever just look at the clock and wish for another time?

Do you ever find yourself running-and running-and running from reality?

Damn.  

I do.  EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  

It ROYALLY SUCKS.  Seriously.  I'm soooo sick of it.  Every day.  It's the same routine of insanity.

Albert Einstein hit the nail on the head when he said:

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

It's PURE insanity.

I have to tell ya.  I'm not 100% sure what to do about it. 

I mean.....I'm REALLY REALLY trying.  So freaking hard. 

On one thing.  Then I'll focus on another.  

I get so annoyed easily at stuff.  Find myself lashing out at my husband.  Or even my poor kid.  I'm impatient.  

I want it when I want it and I want it now. 

And I wonder why.

I can't get to the end of something without so many freaking obstacles in the way.  One after the other.  

I use to think that I never had those 'before 30'.  But now I know that they were there.  Just different.  And I funneled all my negative energy into fitness and career.  

And well...with both of those down the sh*tter when Boston was born...I spiraled.  OUT.Of.CONTROL.

And here I am.  Sitting with my 'blogger butt' pondering: How did this happen?

And I wonder why my husband runs away from me diverts attention when I'm a crab.

I wonder why I've turned into a complete tub-o-lard gained nearly 40 pounds in 2 years.

It's pathetic.

I wonder why I can't get to the bottom of a to do list or sleep at night.

Here's my cycle-tell me if you can relate:

-- Focus on Body Health:  Lose (lost/gained) 30 lbs down 10 up 15 down 6 up 12, diet pills, concoctions, lipo, extreme fitness classes, stop putting off dentist and get teeth fixed, EATING AN ENTIRE CAKE.

-- Getting Sleep:  take 4 melatonin, sleeping next to electronics, not completing tasks on time, freaking out in middle of night, jump up to check email, take 6 melatonin, fatigued all day.

-- Career Success:  Saying yes to 40 things, attempting with good intentions, balls drop.  Guilt sets in. Big WIN somewhere, not getting paid for the work you do, giving free advice, great check comes in, not getting a check for 3 months yet working your ass off but not knowing how to be the bulldog for those that take advantage of you....PAY ME PEOPLE. 

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

It's a vicious cycle.  I put 100% of my eggs in a basket-see a 'win' there, then move to another only to watch that one that showed a win to lose. 

I freaking give up.  

I can't give up.  

I've said this quite often.  And I really mean it.

Up until I was 18...not sure what my place was in life.  My 20s I ROCKED this world...got what I wanted when I wanted it.....my 30s totally rock"y" - family, being a mom, living in Philly, blow to self esteem, looking for stability.....my 40s?  Best shape of my life.  Great teeth.  Great body. Great career. Great husband (cause he'll be trained WELL by then on my idiosyncrasies).  Great kid(s).  

GREAT LIFE.

Ok.  Looks great on paper (or monitors in this case) but how do I get there?

Obviously the things I'm doing just aren't cutting it.  

How do I succeed at ALL of those without dropping the ball on one of them?

PLEASE-I'll pay good money for that advice that works!


Heck.  After all I've spent on therapies, mental vacations, cleaning ladies, dentist bills.....that advice will be worth every penny! 

ha.  And I wonder why I keep looking for that quick fix. 

Cause I'm an addict. 

Now off to get a snack and take a nap. 

UGH-I did it again!

 

Go-Spot Carpet Cleaning Review

Zim-International

If you have kids and animals or even a messy husband...you have GOT to pick up the Go-Spot!!

Seriously.  My father in law has run a carpet business in Chicago for a zillion years.  He's VERY picky when it comes to carpet cleaning, solutions, etc.  

He was in AWE when we shared with him during a visit what this awesome carpet cleaner did.

DIRTY CARPETS. EW.Now mind you..when we bought this place in 2008, I knew that having 'creme' carpets wasn't the best scenario. 

But I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that it was THE WORST SCENERIO!!  Here I was - one month from delivery - with a hairy mutt and a 'crumb dropping' husband.

Granted...I have to give my husband some street cred.  His dad has totally rubbed off on him when it comes to carpets.  He actually vacuums.  (Hot.  I totally know that.  And I capitalize on it too, ya know?!?) lol

HEAVENLY CLEAN CARPET!Anyway...my girlfriend Stephanie was telling me about her job and what she does and it just so happens to be a cleaning solutions business.  She always sees me go insane on Twitter talking about how disgusting our carpets are and she pleasantly surprised me with a fab delivery of Go-Spot.  

My parents were in town and after 4 days of holiday insanity-my carpets looked like a tornado hit it!!

Embarassingly, I'm showing you my carpets.  And their utter filth.  (I feel like I'm standing here naked and you get to see all my flaws!! Ugh!! lol)

It's from a company called Zim International.  They sell 'commercial grade' cleaning supplies.  

After I told her she was a Goddess and totally has gold in her hands-she said she'd hook you all up.  (It's a SUPER great deal compared to what is on the website.  You gotta call HER directly or email Steph directly to get the goods.)  

So how can Go-Spot help YOUR house?

**GO-SPOT is an excellent pre-spotter prior to carpet extraction and the unique inverted valve allows easy waist-high application. GO-SPOT removes coffee, tea, urine, soft drinks, ketchup, mustard, cosmetics, blood, oil, grease, mud, alcoholic beverages, chocolate, pet stains and many other organic soils while neutralizing odors. 

TOTALLY EW, RIGHT?

Here is her pricing:

1 dozen = $70.00

6 pack = $37.00

2 cans = $16.50

FREE SHIPPING to anywhere in the continental US

((THE WEBSITE - FYI - IS APPROX $90 PER DOZEN + FREIGHT!!

Shoot Stephanie an email at stephanie_zim@bellsouth.net.  Or just shoot her a tweet on Twitter!  She loves to meet new people...be sure to tell her I send her!  @Zim_Stephanie ...

Be sure to tell her that you heard about it from me so she can give you the 'friends & family' discount!  lol


 

Behind the Magic 8-Ball

Behind the Magic 8-Ball

I don't really know what's going on with me this week.  

Seems like I just can't wrap my head around things.  I have so much to do-but my brain won't stay in a forward motion.....it keeps spinning.  I hate that. 

I have emails to answer...posts to write...and yet-I'm sitting in my office all lonely and stuff.  

My girlfriend Sandy-O & I had a really awesome conversation yesterday.  And I can't help but think about one of the things we talked about. (SANDY-SIDE-NOTE:  She is so seriously talented.  OMGOSH.  Like nothing I've ever seen before!!!  HIRE HER!!  =)  

Anyway, we were talking about how when you own your own business.  And you're really a 'one man band' as such....that it can really feel isolating at times.  

I mean.  Here I am.  Sitting in this mega office.  That I work my tail off to pay for.  Yet..I'm all alone.  

The room is loaded with toys (that STILL need to go to Cradles to Crayons...but after Christmas they were filled to the brim so I offered to hang onto them here until space opened up in their warehouse...which I'm kinda glad it hasn't yet cause then this place would be BARE BONES!!!)  

It reminds me of when I did morning radio in Chicago.  Steve, my partner had left the station.  And I was doing the show solo.  I got there at 4:30am....left around noon....went home...did show prep all alone in my house.....had lunch....worked out....napped.....then my husband (then live-in-boyfriend) came home...we'd spend like an hour or so together then I had to go to bed cause I got up at 3am every morning.

It sucked. 

I loved my job.  And I did technically talk to people on-air everyday. But I was still 'lonely'.

Here I am-doing almost the same thing...and yet I have this lull of missing being surrounded by creative, like-minded people!  I've already decided when my lease runs out at my office I'm going to move myself to Sandy's amazing studio.  That is if she'll still want me come October! hahaha.  She's got this unreal space and offered to give me a little corner to hoard my toys open up shop.  We'd have a BALL together  (and hopefully make money too! hahaha)  Just the thought of renting space with someone like her makes me smile.  She's so fun.  And artsy!  The 'Theatre Major-Dance Minor' in me could use some of that in my life.  

Ok. Just spent 10 minutes on my Magic 8 Ball and it just told me to get back to work.  

Cheerio!

Photographs: Friend or Foe

Joey - Circa 2004Photographs:

Friend or Foe

Here it is.  Saturday morning.  

And I already hit the 'blubbering mess' button.

I guess this kind of goes under the 'resolution/goals' category.

I made a list of things I wanted to start doing for myself this year.  And tried to opt out of the 'lose weight/get healthy' goal bologna.  

Till this week when I stood on the scale and the number read.  Ahem. 

My weight upon delivery.

No.  Not delivery of like ordering out.  Like DELIVERY OF A HUMAN BEING.

So needless to say... I freaked a little bit.  Cried a bit.  Called myself names a bit.  And well, went on with my day.

Then as I pondered it throughout the day as I think about weight and food like I do everyday I knew I had to take it one step further.  One of my 'starts' was to 'Compete against an earlier version of yourself.'

I gotta do something about it. 

Cutting to the chase here...I decided to do what I did 2 years ago when I lost 30 pounds.  It worked.  I did great.  But at that point in my life-I'll admit I wasn't exactly mentally stable.  I was into pretty deep the post partum depression and ate my way back into a stable mentality.  Ahem.  Well...at least not as mental.  

I get all the blah blah blah 'Make small changes. It has to be a lifestyle change...blah blah.'  My life changed - and my style changed in a bad way.  PASS NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE.  I get it.  I've been successful with the 'lifestyle change' in my life.  And kept that weight off till I got pregnant then all bets were off.  

So I know all about that 'lifestyle change'.  

I decided last night that I was going to make a goal board and put it on the fridge or pantry door.  

My heart sank thinking about going to look through old pictures to find the ones of me where I was 'content' with myself.  And as I closed my eyes, I made myself say out loud 'I'm not going to look into the heart of that person in the photograph-I'm going to just focus on the cosmetic side of that person.'

Oh hell.  Who was I kidding?  I mean really.  Did I REALLY think that going back into the pictures of what I consider to be the most content time of my life was going to make me feel good about who I am right now and who I want to to be?

Sigh.

It started out ok.  But ended in my dog licking the tears and snot from my face.

It started out with looking at pics of me.  You know...out with friends, having fun.  Thinking 'yeah, I'm a hottie-lookin good-check out those arms-wow did I use to work hard at the gym then'.....  What you do in your 20s, right?  Then I decided to get out the pack of pictures of my husband and I before we got married. 

And I lost it.

Totally lost it.  

My mind replayed all those memories in my head.  And I thought to myself...look how much fun we use to have.  Look at how gorgeous i was.  Look at how he hasn't even changed a tiny bit since then.  

And my heart broke.  

Thinking about the years 'post marriage'.  How hard the past 5 years have been for us. 

And the first thing I thought to myself was....

'Wow.  We are going to by married for 5 years in a couple of months.  I can't believe we made it through all the things that happened over those years.'

And as I cried a little more.  Mourned a little more at the sight of those pictures of who I 'use to be'.  I felt a sense of comfort take over me.  Something that I've never felt as I looked at those pictures years past.  Heck.  I hardly ever looked at them before because the pain and sadness they brought back to me.

But the comfort that came over me was a sign that I'm a stronger person today.  I'm a more determined, focused, joyful human being today.  

I laid out those pictures....took a few pictures...and then my phone rang.

It was my husband calling to tell me they were on their way back from soccer practice this morning.

And as I asked Boston 'Was it fun?  How did you do?'  He proudly told me that he got knocked down by two boys and cried.  But that he got back up and scored.

HELLO FATE.

Even though my life is different today....I can learn a thing or two from my 3 year old kid.

Even though I got knocked down from depression, weight gain & looking at those damn pictures of the way I 'use to be' - I'm gonna get back up and SCORE.

Good start to my list of 'competing against an earlier version of myself', don't you think?