Belief in 3 Words: #LiveYourTruth

Hello there gorgeous. 

I am sitting in the Charlotte airport awaiting my connection to one of the most beautiful places on Earth.  Turks and Caicos.    This is actually my 2nd time heading to this gorgeous land and really the first time I'm coming with set intentions.  

This year has been an interesting year to say the least.  I put my business on hold because I wanted to be apart of something bigger than myself.  So I committed wholeheartedly to a conference in NYC. Needless to say, it wasn't anything what I signed up for and I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my time.  And honestly, it wasn't giving me that real life experience and ability to give more of myself to something bigger than myself, ya know.  So, I resigned pretty quickly after the event was over.  From the end of July on, I really took some personal time.  I picked up some hobbies that I totally missed out on and really thought about what it was that I really want to get out of my life.  And really the type of people I want to surround myself with. 

After about 6 years of trying my hardest to help other women use this blog medium to grow themselves and their lives, I decided to walk away from them.  Most of them, that is.  I found myself not able to enjoy blogging anymore and very jaded by many of the so-called 'mom blogger' behaviors and honestly, I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.  Nothing.  NOTHING.  Stealing products from brands at conferences (off their tables) was a bit of a tipping point for me.  Yes. That happened.  At the conference I produced.  And honestly, it is rather embarrassing when someone asks me if I'm a mom blogger and when I tell them NO, they start in on what kind of entitled - annoying - selfish people are in the mom blog space.  

And that's enough for me.  Totally enough.  In fact, I heard it yesterday while on a call with a brand I work with.  For many years I stuck up for them.  Told brands that mom bloggers are clearly just misunderstood.  That there really are amazing women in the influencer space that can really dig deep into the growth of a brand when they are used in conjunction with their digital plan. 

And here I am... Six years later already DONE with that.  After paying them nearly $50,000 for campaigns over the years - I won't pay them a dime outside of managing a traditional blog ambassador tour that they have to sign a contract to participate in.  I realized I was freaking nuts chasing my tail to pay women who only want to hurt me and not grow to be a better person within themselves.  

This year, I had a cartoon written about me by a blogger (if THAT's what you want to call her. She has posted TWICE in a year - one of them a full blog post blasting me in a cartoon she really actually drew.  Yeah.)  Others actually STEAL from me not once but twice.  The first time, I saw it happen and I internalized it as if I deserved it.  Yeah - NO.  The 2nd time, I knew that she had to go.  And a few others apart of their posse-who totally got off slandering me.  Making me feel like I was a horrible person. 

And I ACTUALLY worked my ass off for these pathetic women to totally torment me?  AND I PAID THEM MONEY TO DO THAT?  Yeah... NO.  No No no NO NONO. Never. Ever. Again.  I will not let another human being bully me into feeling like I deserved the pain and sadness that they gave me.  

I actually made that decision in July.  Right after that conference I resigned from.  And can I tell you since making that decision - my life has been filled with such joy.  SUCH JOY.  Happiness that I haven't felt in MONTHS.  Hell, years if I want to really go back in my mind.  I stopped chasing my tail for others and focused on ME.  On what really is important and what I HAVE to live with in my heart.  I WILL LIVE MY TRUTH.  I will be who I really am and not what others want me to do. I will forever not allow another person to dictate my heart.  NEVER.  I will not allow another person to bring up the past and use it against me.  It doesn't matter if it's my real life sisters or some evil wanna-be-bloggers who have hate in their hearts.  NO ONE WILL EVER MAKE ME FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.  

So, my awesome and amazingly talented friend Meredith Sinclair who is one of those 'behind the velvet rope' friends has been such an inspiration to me in so many ways.  We've been friends for years and I've just watched this woman take off in everything she does.  She's a star contributor to the Today Show and she JUST so happens to be married to Jon...one of the amazing star producers for Oprah and the Own Network.  She posted something last week that really came at a perfect time.  She was sharing her proud wife moment with her talented hubby in NYC at the premiere for the show Belief.    Meredith is such a class act. And she really does have such an awesome story.  Be sure to grab her book that comes out VERY soon and visit her site where she talks about ways in life to live well played. 

“Belief” narrates this often-ignored but startling story: The age of top-down religion is over. That age is being replaced by an age in which even people who faithfully maintain distinctive religious identities are engaging in do-it-yourself spiritual journeys that often lead in remarkably similar directions of love, healing and justice toward a God (or gods) close at hand. *The Washington Post

You just read that quote, right?  That is exactly what I have done to move into this 'post-babies' life that God has given me.  With all the adversity God has given me - One thing has been consistent.  My JOURNEY.  And the truth in it.  

You see, I started this blog RIGHT after having Boston who is now 7 years old.  I blogged through the scariest time in my life.  A time when truth be told.... I wanted to die.  I didn't want to live.  And I went through the days begging my life away.  Waiting for night and darkness to set in.  This went on for almost 2 years, sadly.  Those two years trying every kind of drug on the planet till I finally said to my husband 'I have got to get back to the basics.  I want to go somewhere that makes me feel whole.  Gives me time to look at my journey to death and make it my journey to live.  

And that was the awakening for me.  That journey to a place in middle of nowhere Tennessee where I talked to cows on a ranch, colored like a child, got massages and mental exercises till that crazy-brain of mine was awaken.  And from there - I started to Live My Truth.  

Today I'm sitting in an airport waiting to visit a land that changed my thinking a year ago.  And I can't wait to see what this trip brings.  Aside sitting next to my crazy girlfriend Sandy who became my 'Mandee' in my adult years.  It's gonna be a trip.  

I promise to share here as I go along and remind you AND me to #LiveYourTruth.