Return of the Real Mom
So, this past week I hit to my facebook page saying I wanted to come back and be real again on my blog....and I was filled with undying love and support from those that actually came to me for my 'realness' on life.
You see, I started this blog in 2008 because I needed an outlet while going through the hardest time in my life. I don't regret that time in my life because it made me where I am today. But it also opens up a sense of vulnerability that some people may not understand.
Our society says that talking about depression and certain other illnesses are a no-no. It's bad to admit when you're down on your luck.
When I was dealing with postpartum depression that really was threatening my life, I came to this site to share my words and heart with you. I came out about so many things. I shared how I 'self medicated' to get through this new life I was given.
I shared how depressed I was that my husband didn't understand what I was going through and criticized me for feeling the way I did. I had family members pigeonholing me and using my words against me. Family members that I opened up to more than I should have who read into my written words on this site...using even the written words against me. They inturn contributed to my demise.
Here I am...with an almost 5 year old little boy and God is gifting me with another human being to care for in 19 days.
Yep. I am so excited. And so much more prepared for the battle this time. The best part in my story that I refuse to fall prey to 'owning me' is that I've grown from it all.
I have this inner strength inside me that blew up when I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me. I was and am not the same person I was before having children. That was a girl. A girl who had goals and dreams that got everything she wanted till May 25, 2008 when she became a mother.
I'm not a 'girl' anymore. I'm a woman. With feats of strength. That has totally surfaced from the dark to living life in the light. I don't care what family members (outside my own parents who were by my side the entire time) think of me. I just don't. They don't even know me anymore. Because I got rid of the negativity in my life that kept me in the darkness years ago - I've been able to do so much.
I have to say that I think my husband has learned a lot too along the way. We may have wanted to kill each other at one point in this story...But in the end....true love remains strong when you can conquer and grow from life experiences. You may not always understand or agree but you always have to believe in each other and have TRUST in knowing the light will shine on.
And YES. He is MUCH more prepared this time around for the possible 'crazies that may come with new baby life'! haha
What I Learned When Becoming True to Myself:
*Always use your own words in kindness. People will forever want to watch you fall. Don't be ugly to them. Ignore them or use kind words towards them. Because they are the way they are because they have their own demons & their negative, hurtful words aren't your fault. Those words are their issues so be sure to use your words with love. You may want to completey smack someone upside the head and cuss them down the street...but don't do it. Use kind words and walk away. It's their issues their dealing with being projected onto you.
*Don't be what everyone wants you to be. Be who YOU REALLY ARE. Do you live your life to make other people happy? STOP IT. Yes of course...do things that you know make important people feel good. Like make your husband dinner or play a game with your child. But if you try to keep up with the Jones family or pretend you are something you really are not? Then you aren't being who you REALLY ARE & in the end, you're only hurting yourself.
*Don't use other people & their actions to hurt yourself. Yep. First to admit. I did things 'at my husband' when I was in that dark hole. Because he didn't care or show that he cared. There were moments that he was so over me that he even called my parents to come 'take care of me'. Thank GOD that I had my parents 100% support the entire time. Because I don't know what my outcome would have ended in. Scary to think about. But you know what...even if you don't have support of another person - you can't allow other peoples behaviors towards you to control how you deal with things. I heard a quote once that everytime when someone says or does something hurtful to me I say it out loud. "Forgive me for using you to hurt myself."
*Focus on you FIRST.... FAMILY second. In your home-do you have kids'? Are you married? #1-YOUR KIDS need you. They need their mama more than any other human being in the world. I'm not saying that dads aren't important...but let's be real here. An unstable mother makes for a messy house. You've heard the quote 'Happy Wife = Happy Life', right? =) You have to be stable and able to stay on the right track to avoid destructive habits. When you are off - do something for yourself. You'll end up in a much better scenario than worrying about everyone else first!! And if you are borderline of a breakdown-TELL SOMEONE. "Honey, I need to get away for an hour." Or call a sitter. Go get your nails done or catch a comedy. That little time you take for yourself will rock your world much more later.
*Don't wait till it's TOO LATE to ask for help. Yeah. That's a biggie I learned the hard way. Hence, 2 years of major depression. I didn't want anyone to 'know the truth' that I was so sad all the time or bawling my eyes out in the back of my closet. I went 100 routes from 5 therapists, 2 psychiatrists, at LEAST 7 anti-depressants (one that sent me to the ER for). IT STUNK. And until my mind 'clicked'...I was in a vicious circle. Which leads me to my last point.
*If you second guess what professionals are telling you-GET A SECOND OPINION. Yeah. I wish I would have done that sooner instead of continuing to 'try to do what they are telling me to do'. Hell, at one point I was put on a schizophrenia drug!! I am not schizophrenic. And my family practioner who was on my side through all this was great to me. She about DIED when she heard that was what I put on. That was the point when I started standing up for what I believed in. I was pretty pissed when I 'just took it because that was what I was told to do' and it made me a mess....a WEIRD mess. I'm not saying that pharmaceuticals are bad. Because I've seen so many women get well from them. What I'm saying is - MANY doctors just toss a script at you hoping something sticks. Don't just take something to take something. Do your research on the doctor AND the script.
I'm not afraid to admit or share what I went through. I refuse to make that small part of my life 'own me' and become my 'true story'. It's just a small part of my personal experience down the road of realities.
Many women hide in corners and are afraid to talk or admit about their mental realities. And that makes me sad for them. The stigma that society has put on REAL MOMS is unfair. I blame some male doctor somewhere who started this 'women shouldn't feel or be a certain way' stigma. But I digress there.
We're not all created equal. God created women with a majorly different mind and mission that just can't be compared to men. And not all women get hit with the 'crazies' like I did. =) haha.
But with the countdown on-I'm glad that I can return here and be ME. My REAL SELF.
A Real Mom...who just so happens to be in the media.
Thanks for returning....