Blessed Beyond Belief
I don't even know where to start with my words. First off. I'm not a writer. Heck, I can barely spell. But one thing I am that will never change? I am a mother.
To a 4 year old boy and by the grace of God, one more on the way.
As many of you know-I suffered a BIGGIE in the postpartum depression department.
And just like diabetes or cancer even.. it's a struggle every single day.
Depression doesn't just up and run away.
This past summer I had the dream. Well goal. That I was going to embrace. And LIVE my life with my little boy in it. And I did just that. We had a blast.
You see... after I started getting better from the depression, I knew that I needed something more for myself.
I missed being on the air. I missed having that amazing platform to help people. I loved being able to promote charitable organizations and their words-by using my place in this world.
After losing my job in 2008 and struggling to find my way in life after traditional meeting took a beating.
I was so sad. So lost.
I mean.... all I'd ever known was being on the radio.
Ever since I graduated from college.
Heck. I got a theatre degree. I just didn't feel smart enough to really do anything that required brain power like a lawyer or teacher...
I was a performer. An actress. A personality. A mouthpiece for the world to hear.
I loved doing that. In fact... so much so that at my first radio job in Paducah, Kentucky I trained for months to be in a boxing ring and could take on another woman all in the name of charity! Lol. It was for the American Heart Association and I kicked that poor womans butt. But I raised awareness all right! ha.
Then when I was pregnant with Boston and on Ben FM, I actually had the opportunity to auction off my belly on the air as advertisement for the March of Dimes. That was a blast.
And then once that baby entered this world?
My world went spinning out of control.
One thing is so for sure though.
That little baby who blew up his diaper and shot all over my arms and favorite shirt... the baby who kept me up all hours of the night...that little boy who crawls into bed with me every night and sleeps practically on top of me...
He's mine. I created him. And no one can ever take that one thing away from me. The fact that I made him.
Then when I found this teeny tiny place in this world. This spec of dust in the interwebs....
I found a platform again.
And I am so thrilled that I am able to not only share my voice....but the voice of others. Mothers. Friends. Sisters.
Today I had a phone interview with a magazine in Philadelphia who reached out because they want to do a story on me.
I was taken aback when the editor reached out to me. Because it's a well known publication. And I really am not 'who I use to be'. But then when I told her my life story.....who inspired me as a kid...and what I want my future to be...
I hung up the phone.
And felt like I was listening to what Brene Brown had to say....
And I was daring greatly.
I have come such a long way. And knowing that all I have to really do to survive-is to look deep into what really matters.
Today has given me some heartfelt signs.
One: While doing a craft project for Hershey-I found an old picture of myself looking absolutely stunning. I was gorgeous. And full of life. But as I first felt sadness because I wasn't 'that girl' anymore.... warmth filled my heart. Because that girl had no idea what its like to be a mother.
Two: The magazine interview. As I was telling the editor what my dreams are....I rubbed my belly...and with grace told her that my only dream right now is to have a healthy child. And that I want to continue to help others.
Yeah. It's true.
Maybe on the cheesy side...but I can tell you that when I know that I'm doing those things-I know that I'm doing what I'm best at. And I'm beyond humbled that people think that I'm 'somebody'. And they come to me as if I was still that celebrity-type person. I'm humbled that this little website is what kept my name and dream alive.
Next week, I've been asked to take part in a beautiful celebration at Peddlers Village for the Kisses for Kyle Foundation. It's an organization. I interviewed the founder, Sharon Snyder last week on Real Mom Radio. She's a beautiful soul who truly gave us insight into her life after losing her 4 year old son to cancer 14 years ago. To hear her story or take part in the Peddlers Village event visit her website and listen to her story. (Grab some tissues!!!)
And last but not least. Wanna see something else that gave me a sign today?
I read that Taylor Swift wrote a song about a little boy who lost his life to cancer at age 4. His name was Ronan. His mom was a popular mom blogger....with a beatiful story.
Now grab your tissues and watch this too....
And when you're done hug your babies. Pick up their toy and put yourself in their shoes.
The shoes of life.