How To: Forgiveness
I've been kind of in hiding the past few weeks. Only sharing the things I'm committed to. And trying really hard to not share my thoughts.
I know many of you come here not for the commercialization I throw at you. But the truths in my words and in my heart.
My words and heart may not be agreeable. But it's me being REAL.
I mean, afterall my website is 'Real Mom in the Media', ya know.
For a few years now I've been battling some things. Ok, many things.
But right now we're going through some major changes in our lives... that I just can't wait to share with you.
They are wonderful and glorious changes. Filled with love and joy.
But out of respect to my husband-I'm not able to share yet.
But in this process of transformation...I've had a really heavy heart on some things. Instances where I even wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if I'm ever going to be able to get past my feelings towards individuals who have hurt me.
And forgive them.
I'm so tired of living in this bubble with ugly anger towards these people. I try to block them out of my mind-but since they are woven into the thread of my life, they keep coming back. And instead of saying to myself 'it's ok. It's not you, it's them'.... I find myself thinking conversations through of what I would say to them. Then going off and always coming full circle back to my hurt feelings.
Let me ask you this. How come when you open your heart up to someone and share your vulnerabilities, struggles and life lessons...they turn it around when they are annoyed or disgusted with you and use it against you?
Why do we as human beings do such evilness?
I know I'm not like that. When someone tells me something about themselves...I hold that in my heart for them. I don't judge them for their decisions or actions. I know I'm not perfect. But I also know never in a million years-if a friend or family member told me something personal about themselves that showed their deepest vulnerabilities-would I ever bring that back up to them in a haunting way later on.
No matter what stupid things they said or did to me.
That's their story. Not mine. And it's only their right to live it...and tell it for that matter.
I have such a hard time forgiving people who hurt me that way. And right now.. as much as I just want to move on and feel good about it. I can't stop thinking about them. And then other thoughts cross my mind about them, then this flast out anger builds up. And I go off to my little private room. Like I am now. And sulk. And google about 40 times 'how to forgive and forget'.
Crazy, isn't it?
One of the best sites I've found so far in feeling warms thoughts is Tiny Buddha.
Their quote had me ruffled a bit. Maybe cause I want to relieve this weakness of mine.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
The article '30 Tips to Let Go of Anger' really touched me.
#4 Struck a cord:
"Remind yourself that they are not separate from you; they only appear that way. Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving."
#19 is a good one:
"The harder it is to forgive someone else, the more I am responsible. When I understand and forgive myself, forgiving others is easy."
And #28 pretty much hits the nail on the head.
"Just look to the future instead of focusing on what’s past…think of creating new good memories to wipe away old bad ones."
It's been a long time since I've seen these people in person. And candidly, I don't have any interest in seeing them every again. But for the sake of my lifestyle. I have to.
But when I do, wiill I no longer be weak and will I be strong enough to stand proud and believe in me? Will I know that no matter the words and hurt that came from their mouths, they don't define who I really am?
I feel good. Better for now at least. Maybe I should have spewed my words to you a little earlier. Maybe that's a start of forgiveness...
Now off to rub my Buddha Belly. =)
(Ahem.. Buddha Belly means more than just the jolly guy on my living room shelf. Be sure to come back later this week for the real reason..xoxox)
How do you forgive and forget?