Circle of Life

Here I am.  Sunday night.  Get ready to head into the most dreaded day of the week.

I have a sense of many times this weekend I've found myself overwhelmed with the thoughts in my head.  Like, I know what I want.  But it feels like every single time I take one step forward its 5 steps back.  In so many ways.

It hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  Boston is going to be 4 next month.  I love that little man more than life itself.  I'd climb the moon for him.  But I can't help but feel sad wondering if time is ever going to slow down for me.  I often wonder if taking this blog to the 'next level' was the right thing to do.  

I mean.  I wanted to go back on the air so bad.  I was so sad. Depressed.  Needing an outlet.  And when I started blogging after Boston was born-there wasn't the intention to make it a business.  There wasn't the intention of being pulled in a thousand directions with no clue which direction needs me the most.  

It was just me.  

Being creative.  

Using words to express my feelings.  

Then video. 

Then I changed the look.

Then I changed MY look.

Then I started getting trickles. Comments.  Messages.  Random curiosity from readers.  Followers.  Listeners.

I mean..I'm grateful for all those things.  Because it gave me the spirit to push hard.  To go farther.  To be more than I am.

And then since coming back from my little overnight with my husband in Cape May...I've thought over a few things.  Stressed.  Cried.  

Watched another month of life fly by.

And I told myself.  I'm NOT going to spend this summer like last.  I'm NOT going to run the entire summer and not even embrace the little things.  Last summer, I went from conference to weekend travel press trips to the end of summer.  I mean, we actually paid $600 for our pool club membership and I kid you not-we probably went like less than 10 times.  INSANE.  And a total waste of money. 

I worked so hard last year trying to 'prove' myself.  And living for that sense of accomplishment. 

And here I am.  Laying in bed with my little booger while he watches Bubble Guppies at nearly 10p on Sunday night. His little head on my shoulder.  

I'm exhausted.  And the week hasn't even started. 

This week is going to be a big week for me.  Maybe.  Or Maybe I'll allow the fact that my computer crashed with all my VERY important info that gets me through.  Had to cancel an 8:30a meeting tomorrow because of it. 

I'll allow the stress and anxiety to sink in...and close my eyes to it.

Cause in the end....what matters most is right in front of my eyes.  

I just have to look deep in my heart to find it.  

Peace to you as you go through your thoughts preparing for the week....