This past week while at a conference I opened up about my struggles with not getting pregnant.

I hear it all the time 'Be happy with what you got!' 'If you're struggling with your marriage, pregnancy doesn't solve it!'

Really?  My marriage is better than many.  Especially after the tumultuous early years of it.  Everyone struggles at times.

And for me, fighting the thoughts in my head isn't about 'I want to have another baby' or 'I'm not happy with what I got...'

It's - oh crap - what if there is something really wrong with me?!?!?!?

Boston was a one time deal.  Not an 'oops'...but more of an 'OH! That was easy!'

And for about a year's not that we're 'trying'...but it's not that we aren't either. 

And for any woman.  It messes with your head.  Heck. Even when I JOKED about it, I got a little backlash.

And with all the other things going on in my life right now?  I just want to know 'what's wrong with me.'

It may be stress.  Hormones.  I may be done having kids.  Or it may be God's plan.  Could be the C-section caused the issues...And it could very well not even be me.  It could be him.

But either way....I want to know.  I deserve to know.  

I also know one things for sure.... 

I'm not alone.  

And if you are struggling with even having your first.  Or 2nd.  Know that you are not alone.

There is hope.  Support.  And love out there for you.

Tomorrow I hit up Main Line Fertility Clinic.  And even though there is a chance that my husband can't be there with me for the appointment....I know and have to remind myself in my heart...

I am not alone.

xoxoxo - Joey