I haven't posted in a while. Maybe because I've been in this holding pattern. Trying to figure out really what my purpose is. I'm worried to take on too many tasks because I just don't don't want to drop the ball and not follow through.
I remember when I was pregnant with Boston, I counted down the minutes of my show and couldn't wait to get home and take a nap. I was doing middays at a radio station in Philly and was on air from 10-3p. So I had the afternoon to myself before my husband got home.
I remember craving lots of watermelon. And needing sleep like I hadn't slept in 10 years. I was so tired.
Some of the things this time around is similar...but also some things are totally different.
Both good and bad, I guess.
What I forgot about being pregnant:
1) Memory. OMG. I have to think so hard to even remember my moms middle name! It's insane!!
2) Peeing. Dear heavens. Nothing is worse than sneezing in the checkout lane at the grocery store and the feeling of wetting yourself. Totally not cool.
3) Flutters. It's weird. Back around 12 weeks I felt them a lot more than I do now. But the past week my belly has grown a tad so I'm FINALLY looking 'pregnant' and not just fat, ya know.
4) Thinking. Yes. My mind is 1/2 full compared to not being pregnant-but I can assure you that hasn't stopped me from worrying EVERYTIME I do something! Whether it's eating out, wondering if it's made with/with nitrates down to walking down a big hill. It's amazing how women just flip a switch and have that-MOMentum rolling.
5) Exhaustion. Dear heavens. I totally forgot about that. Seriously? It doesn't matter what trimester you're in...you're ALWAYS tired!! Come 4p daily, I'm about to hit the wall. Fortunately I get up and move to avoid the nap but it's really hard to not want to hit my pillow midday.
6) Fear. Yeah. It's pretty bad this time around. My fear that I've done something wrong and their is something wrong with this baby rolls over into my dreams too. I remember with my son, I just went with the flow. But I guess after being surrounded by so many strong women who've lost their babies or have babies with disabilities.....my mind has turned into a worry wart.
7) Emotions. With the first, yes. I was emotional. But my husband was so great. This time around? Eh. lol Not so much. I have a feeling he is so over me being emotional after having major postpartum depression with Boston. Or, it really hasn't hit him that I'm REALLY pregnant. Afterall, when I found out his response was 'huh? I'll believe it when I hear it from a doctor!' Ouch. Yeah. That hurt. But then again... his mind was somewhere else when I told him. And it didn't really click. Men don't understand or get it like we do. Mainly cause they don't carry that little booger. Their work is technically 'done' till the birth. Lemme just tell you hubby... you'll believe me the first night you're up at 3am. Ahem.
8) Priorities. With my first, I wasn't aware of the way my life was about to change. Were you? I mean... I didn't really think about the changes until the happened all after he was born. Now? Lemme tell ya. I'm so on top of my priorities this time. Game on. Cause I know in fact that there is no planning allowed the first 6 months-year. I'm well prepared to say no to things in order for my sanity.
9) Realities. Yeah. I really realize everything going on in my life right now. It's amazing how aware I am. There were certain things before that I just tossed aside...but now my mind is completely wrapped around it. I may not be able to remember my moms name, but I realize what's going on in my life! haha (I love you momma Ida.)
10) Miracles. As I follow along with my handy dandy guide to pregnancy, I can't stop thinking about the miracle of life. How human beings are created? Mesmerizing. Really. No computer program or brilliant architect can create life. It's as natural and miraculous as anything. It definitely makes me appreciate and feel grateful for my Boston. That little boy is perfect in so many ways. He's intelligent, loving, giving, funny, happy, playful, cheerful, healthy, gorgeous..... and the characteristics go on and on.
What did you forget in between having kids?