Right now, I'm at my 2nd conference of the year. Type A Conference in gorgeous Asheville, NC.
I wasn't planning on coming to this till a few months ago when my friend Jessica Cohen (www.FoundTheMarbles.com) mentioned coming. i don't really know what I've been looking for when I come to these things. Education. Friends. Connections. Maybe a bit of all, ya know.
In January (or February..I forget) I went to Blissdom. It was fun. I learned a lot. And I came home ready to rock.
You likely know about my open book of life. I mean-just reading my Mother's Day Edition on PostPartumProgress will give you enough answers to know that post baby... I became a bit 'crazy'. I actually met Katherine Stone at Blissdom. And she helped me feel ok about 'coming out' if you will.
The past couple weeks a few things have come along that has really...well..hurt me.
Made me sad.
Today is no exception.
I always jokingly mention that I'm 'crazy'...(JOKINGLY-seriously trying to make light of my insanities.)
Then a few hours ago...I was once again sent back on my heals.
A blogger here, who I respect. Look up to. Love chatting with... had said a couple things to me..that honestly made me want to go back in my shell of life. Not cause of her...but from the mean words of others.
Something asinine happened a few weeks ago on twitter. Something that was meant to be TOTALLY innocent on my end-turned into someone freaking out because I sent them an @ (at) message about a segment I did on TV. It was over couponing-and I honestly had NO FREAKING idea how ugly and competitve that is with bloggers.
Anyway-before causing that person to spam my site-I'll just leave you with this....
They publically sent me a message on Twitter that really hurt me.
One that made me go.. WTF?!?!?!?
And sadly...she's the 3rd (actually-maybe 5th) mom blogger to go off on me about something.
Kinda like a major bike wreck without wearing a helmet. You know how the biker really was just looking to enjoy the breeze...feel the fresh air...take a break and socialize with life?!?!?!
Then they feel the concrete rip the skin off their bones?!??! Yeah.
Except my crash was on the inside.
I started doing this, NOT for money. But for life. To keep myself alive. To put my creativity into something that will keep on going.
Anyway... this person that I chatted with...mentioned something that has really shaken my shell tonight.
She called me out on a few things...but also had me penned totally wrong on a few other things. Totally not her fault. But because of the hateful rumors she unfortunately heard.
The first thing I wanted to do was cry.
She mentioned that there have been rumors going around about me for some time. Ones that I honestly had NO IDEA about.
What hurts the most..is that people who I thought were 'friends' were apart of it.
Honestly. It's so amazing how evil these women can be to each other.
And again... honestly? Why on God's GREEN EARTH do I keep coming back for more?!?!?!
I was just looking for a friend. Women who I might have the slightest chance of connecting with about the 'post baby' life I was dealt with.
And people that at one point I really thought I could talk to. Share myself. Open up with.
And to find out today that those people are the ones who dragged me and my name through the mud?
Broke my heart.
I know i'm not perfect.
But I know that I really am a good person.
And I also know....that these women don't give 2 sh*ts about me.
They care about what I can 'do for them' to my face.
Then behind my back? They say things that I wouldn't even say about my estranged sister.
But for me? I'm going to go to bed tonite, knowing that I really am a good person. I love my family. I love my life. And I'm thankful that one friend felt she could open up about it. Now I can move on.
Back to the real world.