Losing a Friend

As much as I really really really need to go to bed.  I can't help but want to write.

I almost picked up my journal and did it the old fashioned way tonite.  Especially since many of my thoughts are ones that I think twice about stamping on the world wide web.

Today, I woke up in a great mood.  Although I was up ALL NIGHT (no kidding) with a stomach ache. 

I got a lot done this morning.  And although, I'm bummed I haven't talked to my husband really in days..I've kept on trucking ahead.

After getting Boston dressed (that kid slept till 10am!!! What the?!?!?!) I let him play on his new toy for a few minutes before taking him to school.  He got a Lightning McQueen race car for his birthday and it arrived yesterday.  So I put it together last night-and let him test drive it this morning.

Was so super cute. In his little Lightning T-shirt.  His Lightning shoes.

Off to school we went.  Love it when he says bye to me.  God has given me such a gift in that little boy.

Cause without him...I don't know where my mind would be.  He says the most amazing things to me.  And they always come at the perfect time.

So about noon....I get a :30 call from my husband.  He's actually at a big, important event so he's running crazed and being pulled in every direction.

But he tells me that one of my friends had died.

Unfortunately our conversation was short..but fortunately I was literally walking in to see my A+ of a therapist.  She's AMAZING.

*Side note:  I don't care if you have the best head on your shoulders....EVERYONE should see a therapist at one time in your lives!!! =)  Or be like me and see one twice a week!!!  Better than a massage, I tell ya.

Anyway...I got really sad thinking about her.

She worked at a radio station I where I was on the air in Chicago.

She was a bit older...but definitely too young to die.

She rocked.  Her and I use to go to a local sushi shop on Thursday nights down the street from where we lived.  Belmont Ave.  Where all the freaks hang out in Chicago. haha.  Ok...the politically correct word would be 'eclectic'.

I'd always stop off and get a bottle of wine...and she'd always introduce me to some random new sushi flavor.

And we'd talk for hours.

About everything. Until it was late and I'd freak cause I had to get up at 3am.

I remember right before I moved to Philly...we went our for our last dinner.

She was one of those people that always made you feel good about yourself when you were around her.

She always told me how talented I was.  In a world where I was so insecure.

I actually invited her to my wedding.  She ended up not being able to come to Key West for it...but the day I left, I showed her a pic of me in my dress.  She saw it before anyone else.

I had lost touch, as most people do when one or the other moves away.

We had found each other on facebook.  She wasn't much of a 'facebooker' but I was thrilled to at least know she was 'there'.

The weirdest thing. 

About 2 weeks ago........ I was walking through my local grocery store and came across their made-in-store-but-would-never-eat-sushi section.  And out of nowhere, I had a flashback of her.  I stopped...thought about her for a few....and walked away with the biggest smile.

I wonder if that was her...warming my heart.

I had no idea she was even sick.  Not many people did.  Because she was that kind of person.

She always took the attention off herself...and focused on others.

I guess from what I hear...she got really sick, thought it was bronchitis...turned to pneumonia...and later found out it was lung cancer.

And she was living life like a normal person in January.

That's how fast it progressed.

She passed away over the weekend.

It breaks my heart...brings tears to my eyes....cause she never experienced marriage.

She never experienced motherhood.

It makes me ache knowing that I hadn't talked to her in forever.  I bet it was last spring the last time we connected.

And I'm the first person to stand up and admit that I have a bad bad bad habit of isolating myself.  I forget to return phone calls.  Forget to respond to emails.

I get so wrapped up in the demands of everyday life...just to find happiness in my own.

I'm trying to be a better person with that.

I really am working hard to not be so focused on 'the next best thing'.

And to really start living in the moment.

I'm thinking of you Ronna.  Thank you for your grace.  Your kindness.  Your friendship.

Although we had lost touch since I left there....I hope you know you put a footprint on my soul.

I hope you're 'directing the traffic' in the big blue sky.