Top of Pyramid of the SunTeotihuacan in Me: Day 4 Pyramid of the Sun
Well, today is the last full day in Teo.
I have to go back to the 'real world' tomorrow. The leaders of our journey here like to call it 'the Matrix'.
Totally makes sense if you think about it.
We live our lives in America (and elsewhere for all I know) going through the motions in life. Barely putting effort into the daily things we do. Letting the magnetic forces pull us into every which direction...good...bad....and the ugly.
Pyramid of the SunAnd so many times in life-that magnetic force just sucks the life out of you.
Takes all your energy. Dreams. Thoughts. Opinions.
Transforms you into what they think you should be.
In reality...life should be not what everyone else thinks you should be.
But by being who you REALLY are.
By tearing off the layers of the crap that you have compounded from your "story".
For me....I look at the sequences in my life and in the past year-while trying to climb my way out of the Post Partum portal I've been living in...I've become much more mindful and aware.
We all put special objects in the middle before an amazing ceremony of GRATITUDE on top of the Sun. I put my wedding ring in there...So much so-that I have really realized that I created my own madness. That because of the layers of mud around my heart-the light couldn't shine.
Or more so, that I just wouldn't let it.
I heard something this weekend that completely and totally resonates with me.
And I'm going to add it to my arsenal.
By looking back on my life...and the times when I held onto resentment. Anger. Disappointment.
I'm going to approach the person in that snapshot...and tell them "Forgive me...for using you..to hurt myself."
Through my eyes on the top of the Sun.I mean think about that for a second.
The times when I held onto resentment towards my husband for leaving me behind while his professional life took off like a rocket ship. The times when I cried because my parents were days away and I didn't have any friends in this new town and 'new mom' life. The times when I mentally felt that I had my identity stolen to the time when I PHYSICALLY got my identity stolen...
What a crock of crap.
I control my destiny.
Close your eyes and remember back to when you were a very young child.
My beautiful friend, Denise..an top of the Sun.Or if you can't think back that far... LOOK at your child.
See them laugh at silly things. Run around and play as if there isn't a care in the world.
Then imagine them 20 years later after the world got ahold of their thoughts. Actions. Responses.
As a child we take in nature....free in spirit...Before society programmed us to believe what they want us to believe. That in turn created conflict within ourselves.
I can't even begin to name the daily doubts I've lived.
I'm fat. I'm ugly. I deserved it. I'm not worthy. They can do better without me. I'm stupid.
And as adults...we live like we think we're suppose to live..and not who we really are.
I can honestly say...up until I stopped to 'smell the roses' (or the horse poo since I was on a Ranch lol) I really lost my authentic self. I worried so much about what other people thought of me. I held onto so much rejection and self-doubt.
Today was amazing. The Grand Finale.
Today we went to the Pyramid of the Sun.
We climbed the top...all 248 steps...(over 20 stories in real-world measurements).
When we reached the top...the emotions went bonkers.
1) I was proud of myself for reaching the top and not passing out. 2) The history I learned about this place and the power and energy that is embedded in its structure is enough to make anyone cry.
Or laugh. Because that's what I did first. I laughed.
Just like a little girl.
Little Girl in me...on top of the Pyramid of the Sun.As I watched the thousands of butterflies flying around us I put on my headphones and hit play on a very important song in my life. The song that I danced to with my husband when we got married.
And boy did it fit.
Train: When I Look to the Sky
When it rains it pours and opens doors...that flood the floors we thought would always....keep us safe and dry...
And in the midst of sailing ships...we sink our lips into the ones we love..that have to say goodbye.
And as I float along this ocean...I can feel you like a notion....that won't seem to let me go.
Cause when I look to the sky..something tells me you're here with me.. and you make everything all right.
When I feel like I'm lost...something tells me you're here with me....And I can always find my way when you are here.
And every word I didn't say...caught up in some busy day. And every dance on the kitchen floor, we didn't have before..
And every sunset that we'll miss...I'll wrap them all up in a kiss...And pick you up in all of this when I sail away...
And while I float along this ocean.... I can feel you like a notion..that I hope will never leave.
And when I feel like I'm lost...something tells me youre here with me...and I can always find my way.
Whether I'm up or down or in or out..or just plain overhead...Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly.
But with you I can spread my wings...to see me over everything...that life may send me when I am hoping it won't pass me by.
((Insert 30+ female wearing cowboy hat and pig tails JAMMING while standing on top of the 3rd largest pyramid in the world!!!!))