Not a good start...

Wow.  I guess this is a bit personal. 

Do you ever just wake up with tears in your eyes? 

My best friend is in town... Bless her sweet heart.  She came in to watch Boston for me while Matt & I went to NYC to audition for the Newlywed Show.

We had a great time... until we left.  I sooo wish I could share more, but we signed a release saying they would sue us for $100,000 if we say anything!!!  CRAZY!!  That definitely is a bummer... cause sharing it is the fun part.  Anyway, I'll get back to that when it airs.  THEN we can talk...  ((It's suppose to air in April, but not sure on the date yet...))

 

Ok, back to the lowsy tears. 

When we left the show, heading back to our hotel to get our car I called Mandee to check on her and Boston... she told me her brother was in a serious car accident and was airlifted to the hospital in Memphis. 

Um... any excitement left from the show was GONE... I felt soo bad for her.  She had it all together.

You see.. her brother has a serious drinking problem.  He was drunk when it happened.  Her response was.. 'thank God he didn't hurt anyone'. 

My heart sank... and I asked her why she didn't call us?? We would have left immediately.  She said 'she didn't want to ruin our day'.

I felt sooooo bad.  She didn't want to ruin our day???? She is such an amazing and strong person.  She always thinks of everyone else before her self....

Long story short... We got out of NYC and got back to our home. 

Her brother is going to be ok.  Thankfully.  But she her response to that?  "I'm glad he is going to be ok.. but I hope he is in major pain".

She hopes he is in pain, but recovers.. and NEVERS drinks again.

I sure hope so too.....

And then this morning... I wake up crying?

I stop to think about why... after my USUAL "mommy routine"... changing diaper, making bottle, feeding baby...

And I think I got it.

I gave up my career to be a wife... and a mom.

I was sooo motivated.  Moved to Chicago, no money, no job... and MADE it happen.  I hosted a morning radio show in the 3rd largest market in the country!!  I was so proud of myself...and still am for the accomplishments I made in my 20s.

Few years later... fell in love... got married... moved to Philly for my husband's opportunity... dog... baby... house....

And leaves me today.

In my 30s... Sitting in fat pants.... 40 lbs still on my ass from a baby... and on the couch.

I work out DAILY.  I eat GREAT.  And now I'm fat.. and unemployed.  ((side note- I lost 60 lbs in 2000 and kept it off till I got knocked up.  Ate the house..and everything in it.  "Thinking" I would lose it as soon as the baby was born!  EVERY woman said 'oh breastfeed and it will roll right off'.  Ok.. perfect!  Bullsh*t.  I tried sooo hard to do that.  I from getting his frenulum clipped.. to a lactation consultant.. to bloodwork... to BEGGING.  I have no boobs!  They won't produce!  When pediatrician tells you your soon is losing too much weight... you have to supplement... it hurts.  After 6 weeks of doing EVERYTHING.  I was done.  I felt like such a failure.  I could not feed my son???  But EVERYONE can breastfeed, right?  No.  Some lucky ladies.. can't produce.  Let me tell you how much THAT sucks.  There I was... fat... baby.. no job... and SAD.  Lovely... ))

Yeah... I have an AWESOME time doing TV.  I love it.  But unfortunately... it's freelance, so I don't do it often.  It's almost been 3 weeks since I've done a segment... and usually, about this time is when I start to get sad. 

Wait..

 I suddenly feel better! haha.  Mandee and I are going to Starbucks. 

I love having her here.  She makes me feel like I'm in my 20s again.

 

Off to Starbucks... thanks for the rant.

((P.S - I'm getting an iced Americano.  Hardly ANY calories in there.  Na Na Na Na Boo Boo.))